Day 36, 37, 38
My off week from virtual teaching this week, so lesson planning for next week has taken a lot time. If one slips up and doesn't adhere to a strict schedule, then you are likely to be un washed, unshaven and sitting in jimjams at 3 pm hanging out for a beer. Well, not this soldier. I even put shoes and socks on the other day. The lock down has had some interesting effects, one of which is the zoom contact from friends from all over the place. I guess we are all finding the time to re-establish contact with those we haven't seen for a while.

Queensland is easing restrictions from 12 tonight (Friday), but there's heaps of people jumping the gun. Of great interest yesterday, as I was having a red wine with the Chaine treasurer at 3 pm (it was a Holy Day so rule 2 doesn't apply), was 'is the 50 km unrestricted travel allowance a road distance or a radius?' I can't believe that conversation has come down to this. It was a serious discussion too, with references to TV graphics showing radius, but some commentators suggesting it's road miles. Why is this important you ask? Because my mate wants to go to Tolga to see a friend and it's 49.5 kms as the crow flies, but 95 road kms.

I see that the Victorian deputy chief health officer has had a brain snap and likened the Covid 19 pandemic's effect to the arrival of good old Capt. Cook. Her remarks were not complimentary and calls for her head have been loud and long. No chance, I say. Firstly she's Victorian and secondly, she's a she.

I have three active JCU business students that I am tutoring at the moment and apart from brushing up on financial planning and market structures, most of the advice is based on their use of language and the obvious cut and paste in bulk from internet sources. "The examiner wants to hear YOUR voice," has been written more than once.

Glorious weather here this week. Sunrise at 6.20 with 30 degree days from a chilly 21 degrees start. The humidity has all but gone and winter is approaching.

Day 33 Sunday
Warm but rainy here today, so no bike ride this morning. However, some baking happening as Lady P has made line/lemon syrup muffins and I will make baklava later today. Howling southerly the past couple of days, starting around noon and keeping it up until dark. Maybe it's the sign of something dramatic about to happen.
Day 34 Monday
What a busy day today. I spent most of the morning writing lesson plans for teaching next week. This is a real challenge when you have to deliver lessons live but virtually via Zoom. I try and break the day down into segments so there is not too much screen time and then go for a short drive to get something such as petrol or a take away coffee. I do make sure though, that I shower, shave and dress in work clothes for the day. When I get a creative block or need a break, I may cook something. For example today, I decided to preserve some beautiful lemons we got at the market. And tomorrow I will probably smoke some red capsciums and preserve them in olive oil.

Day 35 Tuesday
I had one of my four JCU students contact me for some tutoring. She's doing second year B.Com and has to do a 1,500 word essay on statement of advice (financial) relating to her conceptual map. Now of course I know all about this but as her tutor, under the contract I can't tell her, just suggest how to answer, what language structures to use and possibly where to get (and cite) good information. I see that the states are starting to relax the Covid 19 restrictions. We can now have a picnic with two friends (didm't stop the bloody backpackers for the past four weeks) and we can travel up to 50kms for non essential reasons. I think the esing of restrictions is a good thing but for some people.. you give 'em an inch ... be interesting to look at the parks and beaches over the next few days.

Well, more later

In these times, when many of us are in lockdown, or at least confined in our socialising, or even retired, projects pop up or are imposed on us by thoughtful spouses and others. So, as Penny and I having been doing a lot of cooking and recipe reading, we have decided to produce a book and we have asked the family to provide recipes and food photos.

Our book will be called “Secrets of the Runcible Spoon.”As you would expect, it will be a recipe book. 

Day 32 ANZAC Day
Unlike many others in my street, I was up at 0530, into my suit and medal and out in my driveway at 0600 to play the full ANZAC service on my phone, courtesy of RSL Qld. There were a few of the suburban visitors parking their cars and getting ready for exercise. They ignored me even though you could clearly hear the Last Post.

Afterwards, we kitted up for a 11 km bike ride in search of a coffee and breakfast, which took us on a patrol to the south. Very few people in the 'hood, some dogs about and some Indigenous youths drinking beer, so all normal in the south. Finding our intended cafe closed, despite contary advice on their Facebook page, we rode down to the wharf and found Wharf 1 cafe not only open but a line up of middle aged cyclists waiting to be served by the lone waiter. A very average coffee and lousy egg benny roll, so back along the waterfront to home.

There seems to be a mood about. Something in the air. It is the prospect of the easing of restrictions. My tip is that those younger generation folk will go nuts and totally ignore any social distancing restrictions and if we had beaches here like Sydney, thet'd be all over each other like ants on honey. We shall see eh?

We logged onto the Queensland (or is it Brisbane?) Library site to access some foreign language movies. We have already seen a funny French movie, so today we watched a very good Italian movie. As it is a special day today, I broke the rule and had a Guinness with my meatloaf on biscuit for lunch and a little lie down after, so I will be good company for this evening's gin and tonic, to be taken at 1701 hrs.

Another difficult day of virtually teaching. It's hard when ou have 15 students and 13 blank screens because of their crap technology. Ah well, it's a paid gig.
We are making meat loaf for dinner tonight. That good old fashioned CWA type of meat loaf, with real meat I might say, not tinned mutton or spam. Food photos will follow.

Day 29 Wednesday

Teaching from home today and in future, for a couple of reasons. Main one being my boss at work went down with flu like symptoms on Monday night. "Nar worries mate, it's just the flu." I'll give you one guess what generation he is and no, he hasn't been tested. So two of the last three teachers using the school to deliver virtual lessons have pulled the pin. Teaching from home has its advantages. One being the coffee machine is only 10 steps away. However, I still maintain discipline. Up at 0600 to prep until 0930 first class. Making sure I am in uniform and showered and shaved. Limiting coffee to three a day.

Cairns hospital pathology department had a case of CV19, so they tested all pathology department staff and discovered thre of them, while never exhibiting symptoms, had virus antibodies. This indicates that they had it too. All personnel entering the hospital are now scanned and some checking will be carried out.

We have cancelled Hump Club tonight as there are some conflicting engagements. Also, I am a bit over the virtually connected experience.

Gado Gado and udang goring for dinner tonight. I may have an accompanying wine.

Day 27 Monday
My isolation sort of finished today. I have this week teaching as part of the Job Keeper program and some of us are going into the school to work virtually from empty classrooms. The reasoning is that we have all the photocopiers/scanners there as well as being close to the servers. There is also some social interaction and a change from the home environment.
Teaching 15 students who have a variety of IT equipment, most of which is either crap, in a poor reception area, Mac based or just old, makes for very challenging and slow delivery.

Now I have to plan the next couple of days, so this week the blog might have to be a weekly report, pre-gin time on a Friday

Day 26 Sunday

Twenty six days. Not far off a month of isolation. Well, it’s not as bad here in Qld as NSW and Vic with the ability to have two friends visit. However, when you go for a ride or walk, there is no bar open to have a refreshing beverage like we used to. Life is tough eh?

Last night’s virtual wine dinner was fun, with three locations and12 people. The internet connection and various IT skills (not sure ‘skill’ is all that accurate), makes it a bit tiresome. I think the conclusion of our team was that a webinar would be a better format, with specific food and wine presentations taking place at pre-determined times. People could then log in, hear the expert opinions and have a discussion, before returning to their dinner and wines. I’m sure if this goes on long enough, we will get it sorted. Here's a screen shot of us all in different locations and all appropriately socially distancing.

One of the positives was the food delivered by Ochre Restaurant. Beautifully prepared and delivered in pristine condition. Our menu was: Oysters natural and hot smoked Atlantic salmon with horseradish cream and Barossa Bark to match the House of Arras, Premium Cuvee Sparkling; then kangaroo spring rolls, Thai beef salad, chilli quail and compressed watermelon, tempura prawns and a range of native food sauces and pickles, to match a 2017 Stonier Reserve Chardonnay (gorgeous); Lamb rump and pork ribs for the main went beautifully with a M. Chapoutier 2017 Crozes Hermitage; the cheese selection matched the Campbell’s Bobby Burns 2017 Shiraz and an extra Petersen’s Hunter Valley Chardonnay for George and Roger helped digest the rich chocolate pudding with raspberries and cream.

Most of today has been taken up with lesson planning for my teaching on-line tomorrow, with the occasional break to give the eyes a rest from the screen. 

A patrol to the south picked up hardly any infringements of the isolation orders and no real need to make a phone call.

Day 25 Saturday

Most of the day today has been preparing for tonight’s la Chaine des Rotisseurs virtual wine dinner. A detailed report tomorrow.

Graeme won the trivia last night after a tie-breaker with the Phillips’ family. He correctly answered the question as to the dimension of the world’s largest natural pair of breasts - nipple to nipple.

I see in my Coronavirus readings, that NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard has warned the state's young people that they are not immune to the COVID-19 pandemic. The Minister reported that overall trends in NSW have been positive, with the state seeing only ten new cases in the past 24 hours, where over 5100 tests have been conducted. But Mr Hazzard reminded the state's residents that 42 per cent of all cases contracted in NSW have been in people under the age of 40. I doubt they’d even register.

And how about this one.

For the first time in decades, crocodiles are crawling onto the beaches of La Ventanilla, Oaxaca, according to Mexico News Daily.

The emboldened reptiles have taken to the sandy shores usually occupied by tourists and local beachgoers who are now self-isolating in the wake of the COVID-19 health crisis.

The Mexican government ordered the beaches to be closed as they fight to contain the pandemic that has wreaked havoc north of its border.

And now that the crocodiles have returned to the shorelines, there is little doubt that the government will need to enforce its restrictions too frequently.

Off to virtual wine dinner now. More later.

Day 24 Friday

Another busy day today in preparing for on-line teaching next week. I participated in two training sessions, one in the morning and another in the afternoon and despite my trepidations, I actually learnt a few new things.

Cairns had its first that we know of, community transmission today, with a worker at the hospital pathology lab testing positive. They shut it down quickly for a deep clean and isolated the staff.

Those in the know are rightly, in my humble opinion, resisting the pressure to reopen all and sundry, as a second wave of community transmissions could well appear.

But while most people take this pandemic seriously, think about what it might have been like in the 1300 to 1800’s with the Black Death - a devastating global pandemic of bubonic plague that struck Europe and Asia in the mid-1300s.

When infected ships arrived, people gathered on the docks were met with a horrifying surprise: Most sailors aboard the ships were dead, and those still alive were gravely ill and covered in black boils that oozed blood and pus. Sicilian authorities hastily ordered the fleet of “death ships” out of the harbor, but it was too late: Over the next five years, the Black Death would kill more than 20 million people in Europe—almost one-third of the continent’s population and would sweep back again in the ensuing centuries.

Shakespeare was heavily influenced by the plague that swept through London and England a couple of centuries later.

According to that august body, the World Health Organization, there are still 1,000 to 3,000 cases of plague every year. I wonder how long it took them to find that out.

On that sombre note, I leave to prepare for tonight’s trivia, hosted by Andrew

Day 23 Thursday

Despite the Japanese theme of last night’s Hump Club, we opted for Thai. I reckon Japanese food needs to be from a high turnover restaurant and sashimi needs to be fresh, if you know what I mean. The Thai takeaway was pretty good and we won the trivia segment.

A rude shock this morning was going back to school to prepare for next week’s on-line teaching. Using Graeme and Joanne as ‘students’ I was able to practice using breakout rooms. Thanks to you both. The rest of the day has been spent writing lesson plans and resources that can be used in an on-line environment.

Our carparks are still full of ‘out-of-suburbers’ using our Esplanade for their sweaty, spluttering running, despite a turn of wet weather.

I see that the federal government is working on an app to track people's movements that could quickly help trace contacts of those newly diagnosed with the virus. Singapore, that bastion of civil liberties, where about 20 per cent of people have signed up to the app, has provided coding information to Australia for development. Now that will get the loony left nattering.

Well, not much else to report today. Tomorrow is putting the final touches to our planned dry run wine tasting on Saturday. Some zoom testing and pre-ordering food. Oh, and yes, I am looking at taking my cooking school on-line. Just got to work out how to get paid.

Day 22 Wednesday

A funny sort of day today. Up early at 0700 and a boiled egg for brekky. Then a delivery of wine to a drop off point so my mate in Mareeba has the same wines for Saturday night’s wine tasting. Most of the morning has been brushing up on my Zoom platform for next week’s teaching and this required a call to my technical IT expert, Joanne. Luckily in Zoom I can give her control of my computer and she solved the problem. Thanks Jo.

I have been given the task of speaking about the Stonier Reserve Chardonnay and the Campbells Bobby Burns Shiraz for Saturday. So, some thorough research was conducted, a video located and set up for the presentation.

Heading off for a bike ride now. I think I’ll patrol to the south. I did and it was pretty quiet. A lot of people from other suburbs using the Esplanade for running and walking. How do I know this you ask? You get to know the regular faces and the car parks are full. A sure sign of outsiders.

At last some good news. A 35-year-old man has become the first person in Australia to be jailed for breaching emergency coronavirus laws after he repeatedly snuck out of his Perth hotel room while he was supposed to be in quarantine.

He wedged open a fire exit door and left and re-entered the building on a number of occasions without being detected by staff, with his movements captured by CCTV cameras.

He then used public transport to travel within the metropolitan area. He was sentenced to a partially suspended jail term of six months and two weeks. Pity he was not in Singapore. They could have lashed his bare feet with a very big cane.

That’s all for today as 1) it’s gin time and 2) we have to prepare for the Hump Club dinner. Japanese theme this week, so I think Haruka Restaurant does take away.

Day 20 & 21 Easter Monday and Tuesday

Monday was spent cooking. All day too. So, no blogging that day. Tuesday morning was spent delivering some meals and visiting my school, because I have been offered a job share from next week. This is part of the Job Keeper program and while it means teaching Pre-Intermediate class by Zoom, I can at least use the school’s technology and get paid some money.

My how times change? I remember not so long ago, a ‘cashie’ was highly prized. Get that folding stuff and no tax. Well try paying in cash now and they look at you like a leper.

The Reserve Bank of Australia says sellers are "at liberty to set the commercial terms upon which payment will take place" before the purchase "and refusal to accept payment in legal tender banknotes and coins is not unlawful".

  

So, a sign at a cafe counter, for example, does just that — it lays out the commercial terms before the customer orders. So no use abusing the cashier, who wears gloves, touches everything as if they are miracle objects that zap all bacteria and viruses, then scratch their head and start again. Old chefs know a clean hand is better than a dirty glove.

I ordered and collected the wine for this Saturday’s la Chaine des Rotisseurs wine dinner. Yes, that is regarded as essential travel. Well it’s a dry run for a future dinner, with 10 of us participating across three locations. The deal is, I have set the wines and each couple has to buy those four bottles. For convenience, I have chosen wines available from Dan Murphy’s, viz: House of Arras Sparkiling Reserve Cuvee, Stoniers Reserve Chardonnay, M. Chapoutier 2016 Crozes Hermitage and a Campbells Bobby Burns Shiraz. An eclectic mix eh? Then, each location orders aperitifs, entrée, main and dessert or cheese from one of the local struggling restaurants that offer take away/delivery. We then have a virtual dinner and discuss the wine parings and food just like a real dinner.

I was reading today where Victoria Police issued 162 fines over Easter for not wearing seatbelts. Is this possible I ponder? Not with our generation I’m sure, as it has become such a reflex reaction. I bet you it’s the same bastards that ignore social distancing. Rules are not for them.

Lady P has almost completed her first 1,000-piece jigsaw (photo when finished) and has two more in reserve. What do you do with a finished jigsaw?

Some Kiwi posted “Good news for the Wallabies! For the first time since 2002, you won’t lose a Blediscoe Cup Series.” And another, “An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar…. Those were the days!”

Day 19 Easter Sunday

There is still much controversy about visiting friends. The Premier says one thing, the Police Commissioner another, then the Feds take our full page adds and they all say something different. We thought about taking some food to our friends who are in isolation and over 70 and as best as we can determine this is an allowed essential travel exemption. They also have a very large home so it would be possible to easily practice social distancing. However, it is not something that one would do regularly, as the stay at home message seems to be sinking in here. The streets are very quiet.

It is actually strange to sit on our balcony and not see any ships or planes. I think we are down to two Cairns - Brisbane flights Mon to Fri for essential workers. There seem to be more birds about as well, with a mob of red crested, black cockatoos visiting today. And to top it off, this Easter has been beautiful 29C, low humidity and no rain. I reckon I have seen more wet Easters than dry in my living memory.

I saw a headline today that a house in Sydney exploded (unknown cause) and partially collapsed and it reminded me of the time one Easter, while mum and dad were at Mass, I decided to play with the gunpowder I had made. I must have been 13 or 14 and my brother Michael and I were filling small glass bottles with gunpowder and sealing them with wax from a burning candle, at the kitchen table. All good so far, but … well the story ended OK with only a very large circular burn in the new laminex table. Parents not amused.

As police around Australia exercise unprecedented powers to fine people found to be breaching physical-distancing measures, community legal groups are watching closely. And guess where they are looking?

The Police Accountability Project, Liberty Victoria and a number of other groups have banded together to set up a website for anyone who feels they have witnessed or been subjected to unreasonable law enforcement activity during the shutdown. Gives lawyers something to do I guess.

Day 18 Easter Saturday

After a long and controversial trivia session last night, which Tas put together in excellent fashion and which Andrew and Katie won, we finally finished the virtual game with the ladies retiring and the lads drinking the rest of the wine until the battery in the laptop died. Here’s a picture of the seafood pizza Lady P and I made.

Early this morning I was rudely awoken and enticed to go on a bicycle ride. The promise of an egg and bacon sarnie and a coffee did the trick, so we rode to Edge Hill for those exact same items, snuck across the road to a shady park and ate them while exercising. We managed to pick up the Australian and Cairns Post, so an afternoon of relaxation is planned.

Lunch today was smoked Ocean Trout, another mango daiquiri and a glass of rose (it’s a Holy Day today). Our friends, with whom we were to dine with tonight, are a bit skittish about the conflicting advice from the Qld government about two friends visiting, essential travel and all that. Bloody stupid rule anyway. So we cancelled and therefore, I was tasked to cook Peking Duck. It’s in the pot as I type.

I have also put out week 2 Little Kitchen menu: Chicken Cacciatore with creamy mashed potato; Beef Stroganoff and rice; Smoked fish pie; Mango cheesecake.

Here is another example of dickheads at work. The local tattoo parlour, do you even call then a parlour anymore? Well, this one that does tattoos and piercings of intimate body parts (still not sure what a Prince Albert means), near Rusty’s market where we buy our F&V, had a sign on the door.

Apart from the spelling mistake, they are telling us that the evil government forced them to shut. What? Do you really want to be bending over coronavirus-breathing customers while you wack a needle through their privates? Wankers!

That’s all for today.

Day 17 Good Friday

Ever wondered why the day Christians celebrate the whipping, beating crucifixion and stabbing of Jesus, is called ‘Good Friday?’ I was going to make it a quiz question but decided that the small band of blog readers probably would say ‘Who cares!’ Well, the answer is that ‘good’ comes from the antiquated meaning for holy. So, it could be ‘Holy Friday” just like we have ‘Holy Wednesday’ for last Wednesday. Now isn’t all that just fascinating?

Second religious question: Why do (proper, practising) Catholics not eat meat on Good Friday? The tradition stems from the Catholic custom to not eat warm-blooded animals on Fridays, to acknowledge and do penance for the death of Jesus. But I reckon it’s a bit like modern Santa and Mothers’ Day. It was an invention of a very clever fishmonger. Probably Con the Greek. We used to look forward to Friday nights as kids, whoopie, fish n chips, sometimes even a chicko roll, potato cake or dim sim. We never saw scallops or prawns back in the day and only poofs put vinegar on their chips.

So to celebrate Good Friday, I did my penance. First thing in the morning, I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom. Hot water and detergent, Gumption and Spray n Wipe, dishwasher steaming and mop and bucket flying. It looks a bit better. And joy of joys, while cleaning I found the five pre made cocktails in nice little bottles that Joanne gave me for my birthday. Into the fridge they went. I think I will have them before and during trivia tonight. Might help me with the questions.

I think we are going out on bicycle patrol now, so I shall report on our return. The patrol to the south was very quiet, with a few walkers and couple of cyclists but like Memphis the time we were there with Tas – a ghost town. Now, there was a naughty backpacker sunbathing practically naked as they tend to do here, but only one, not scores of them as in past days. There were a couple of naughty older folk having lunch on the picnic tables and some homeless people in a state of confusion. On the return leg, the scantily clad backpacker was gone. Fined $1300, I hope.

After refreshing ourselves, as it is 29C here today, we (read Lady P) decided she needed a mango daiquiri. Luckily for her, there was lots of frozen mango. Sorry Lucy! Flashy got down on his knees to look into the back of the cupboard and found the white rum and Cointreau, so a daiquiri was born.

Lady P and Andrew are in earnest discussion about the making of sourdough bread, as his starter is rumbling along nicely. She has just taken ours out to make the pizza base for tonight’s trivia. How decadent eh, sourdough pizza base? Plus, we are going all out San Fran style, with a white pizza. Leek and velouté sauce with prawns, fish and calamari. I think a nice rose might be appropriate.

I broke the rule (in isolation, no alcohol before 5 pm) today and had a white wine with my curried chicken for lunch. I think I will amend the rule to an exemption for religious days. There are at least 45 days in the catholic church that are holy days - at least one each month, so, I think it’s a good rule.

Day 15 Wednesday

Yesterday just disappeared in a cloud of frustration. My good but old colour laser printer said “Code 100.” After downloading the manual and going to page 189, it said ‘printer dead’. Emails to Xerox in the US did not get a response – funny that. However, the local Cairns Xerox repair man said ‘I’ll ask a tech for you.’ His response was ‘It’s fucked, mate.’

So off to Officeworks for a cheap $120 Brother mono laser printer. Place was packed and a bit of stressed social distancing going on. No service as usual, so my new best friend and I just picked up a printer in a box each and headed for the perxiplex screened-off, cashless check out. Now, I bet you know what I’m going to say next?

Having unpacked the printer, read the quick install guide and gone to the Brother web site for the print drivers, I discovered that there was no printer cable. Of course, they haven’t supplied them with printers since Adam was a boy. After two hours of not being 1) able to download the drivers and 2) not able to connect to the wifi, I head back out into COVID territory to buy a fricken cable. 

Guess who was in the line with me? Yep my new best friend from before. Neither of us were able to buy a cable because they had sold out. Then our newest best friend whispered ‘Jaycar!’ – so out into Indian territory again and off to Jaycar. Much better social distancing there and success – an $13 cable!

Back home and another frustrating three hours getting nowhere, I gave up and made dinner for our Hump Club Greek night. A delicious pumpkin, SD tomatoes, garlic and olive mash wrapped in filo pastry and a Greek salad. 

Meanwhile, Lady P arrives home and fixes the printer to work wirelessly in less than half an hour. Stop grinning you lot!

The Hump dinner was good with excellent internet connection for all seven participants.

Day 16 Thursday

I have to prepare one of my dinner parties today for delivery at 6 pm, so I’ll sign off and get to work. More later. Ok, the dinner all boxed up and delivered and everyone deliriously happy, plus I got paid.

Lady P decided that my recipe for orange sauce was not to her liking. So, I said, politely of course, "Why don't you cook the dinner then?" She did and the duck fat potatoes were delicious. The duck breast tasty and the orange sauce as expected.

Day 14 Tuesday

Our weather pattern has changed this morning with a strong southern system right up the coast. As a result, we have some cloud and cooler days. I have just finished most of my meal deliveries to happy customers and just got an order for four dinners over Easter. The menu is:

Appetizer

Seafood Bisque

A rich Provincale soup with Australian seafood, tomato, saffron and garlic

Entrée

Atlantic salmon rillettes with sourdough blinis

Mesquite hot smoked Atlantic salmon, flaked and mixed with butter, sour cream, chives, lemon juice and sweet paprika. Served on sourdough blinis

First Course

Slow cooked beef in Spanish sherry and shiraz

Tablelands beef slow cooked in a rich Pedro Ximinez and shiraz sauce and served with garlic mashed potatoes

Second course

Chicken Wellington

Breast of chicken, mushrooms and prosciutto wrapped in filo pastry and served with a creamy mustard sauce and garden salad

Dessert

Peach and nectarine tart with Chantilly cream

To finish

Mango and cardamom syllabub

On top of this, Lady P wants three duck meals over Easter (a la orange, Peking and risotto); we have a dinner on Saturday and brunch on Sunday. This isolation is very stressful.

Our Esplanade and the carparks are very quiet at last. Yesterday, I saw a number of police patrols and one hopes they issued lots of $1,300 fines!

I see the sharks of Queensland killed another poor soul yesterday. The Marine Park Ranger was known to one of my customers this morning, so a sad start to the day. We will all sit back now and hear all sorts of stuff from the ‘experts’. Hey Tas, maybe you could ask Brendan Favola or Sam Newman what the problems with sharks are up here?

I guess they could also give their thoughts on Pell’s conviction squashing.

And another thing – apparently, we are now referring to Boris Johnson as BoJo. Bloody hell what’s happening to our language. I think I will refer to myself as RoPhi. What would you call Sheila Ithkas?  And another thing – after more than 90 years, the Apostrophe Protection Society has closed. WTF! W’sHTTW?

It’s hard to believe that it’s April already. Where’s this year heading? (3 apostrophes).

The summer BBQ season doesn’t truly kick off until Sam Kekovich gives us a good old Aussie grilling about lamb and the highly anticipated ad by Meat and Livestock Australia has just dropped for 2020 - encouraging us to put the devices down and ‘get real’ with lamb this year.

Kekovich said. “It’s all about putting down the devices and reminding us just how important it is to reconnect face-to-face - over a great piece of lamb.”

It’s not just all talk for our ‘Lambassador’ - Kekovich isn’t on social media and believes ‘an entire generation’ has lost the ability to converse face-to-face.

Now, we all love lamb but connecting face to face in the COVID-19 real world is going to be hard Sam. Time you got yourself a smart phone and some apps.

Time to post now. So, remember ‘Eat lamb you bastards.”

Day 13 Monday

Not much to report today. I spent all day in the kitchen cooking for my meal delivery tomorrow. Very tired little chef. The last is in the oven now (6:45 pm). This week’s menu is:

Slow cooked beef in red wine and Pedro Ximinez with creamy mashed potato

Thai style yellow coconut chicken curry and rice

Smoked cheese and sweet potato quiche

Pasta sauce -caramelised pumpkin, cumin and chilli

Apple strudel

Baklava

Trivia answer: A black duck can fly at around 42 kph, but on opening day they get a bit faster.

Day 12 Sunday

Another great day today but I am worried. Easter is only five days away and everyone knows that it rains at Easter. We actually need rain as the wet season here was a dud – only 890 mm to date. Sure enough, I just checked the weather forecast and 90% chance of rain and 30C on Friday. The good thing is that the rain is only expected to bring 1-5mm. That’s not even mist!

Penny has been cooking her hot cross buns and messing up my kitchen, but the smell is pretty good. Taste is also excellent.

The virtual catching up is taking off it seems. We have afternoon drinks planned with the Hartons from Adelaide at 4 pm (Aperol Spritz) then Laura Jane from London at 8 pm. Planning is also under way for a 3 location, 7 person wine tasting on 18 April. The big challenge is getting the wines to everyone and of course, practising responsible service of alcohol.

I have been reading about the strange and weird things associated with the virus and I discovered that in my old home town Albury, a 51-year-old man was fined after he was involved in a minor car accident and allegedly told police he had left his home in order to visit his drug dealer. He was later found to have a disqualified driving licence. Police said he was not very bright!

A 32-year-old woman and a 27-year-old man from Muswellbrook in the state’s Hunter Valley were fined for sitting in their car without a reasonable excuse not to be at home. There was no report as to their state of dress or whether they were in the back seat.

Our southern bicycle patrol this afternoon saw a marked decrease in sunbathing backpackers, apart from the group outside the Police Beat building, so you need not worry about us up here in the far north.

My Little Kitchen food orders are mounting with four orders of varying amounts for Wednesday and she indoors has ordered duck, duck and duck over Easter. I think we are allowed fish on Friday. So a busy week looming.

Trivia question: How fast can a black duck fly? (answer for the speed likely on Duck Opening morning!)

Doggy knows the answer.

Day 11 Saturday

A beautiful sunrise this morning so we headed north by north west on our bicycle patrol. We met many other bike riders, most were in lycra. Not us. Friendly lot though, with many a hearty ‘good morning.’ The coffee and egg and bacon sandwich from the Stratford Deli, enjoyed briefly while exercising on the bench under the shady tree (no loitering for us, ‘just catching our breath and stretching, officer’) were delicious. Home to peruse the papers.

Last night’s virtual trivia was fun. A close contest between Andrew and Graeme with the later winning by one point. Unfortunately, I had to apply rule # 1 a couple of times, but hey, it’s pub trivia and people have a couple of drinks. Joanne’s wine glass was a big as her last one, big as her head even. Luckily, she only had a little bit in the bottom.

I see on Sky today that Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack says government border force efforts to halt profiteering attempts to smuggle much needed medical supplies out of Australia were absolutely “necessary”.

People trying to “send stuff through Australia post” or ship out large containers will be stopped at the border. The supplies will be redistributed in Australia where they are most needed, he said. 

So a big thanks to that Asian bloke I saw stuffing pills into a huge postage envelope. Firstly, he paid for them, so that’s some money going around the economy and secondly, they will all come back to where they are needed.

We went to Rusty’s market this morning as usual for our fruit and veg. Less than half the stalls were operating but friendly chaps at either end were there to spray you with sanatizer. Certainly, there are fewer people out and about - and I hope even less since I called the Council hot line to dob in a bunch of backpackers sunbathing on the lawns and a group of first nation people having a ‘meeting’ under a tree.

Now, as I mentioned on Thursday, I reckon turps is a cure for Covid-19. Well, guess who also thinks a head lice killer (like turps) could also kill corona virus?

Health authorities are warning people against self-medicating with a drug which is traditionally used to treat head lice and scabies but is now showing promise as a coronavirus treatment, saying it could be fatal. (the cure, like the disease)

A collaborative study led by the Monash Biomedicine Discovery Institute and the Doherty Institute found the drug Ivermectin stops coronavirus growing in cell culture. Ivermectin has been used around the world for years as a treatment for a range of conditions including head lice and scabies, and it is available as a pill, lotion and shampoo.

No quiz today but this quote:

“Self isolation is like Vegas in my house. We’re losing money by the minute, cocktails are acceptable at any hour and nobody knows what time it is.”

Day 10 Friday

Beautiful day here this morning, 30C and not too humid. Started cooking my week 2 menu this morning. First up was the Frank Camorra slow cooked beef cheeks in one litre of Perdo Ximinez and shiraz. At five hours at 140C they are not quite done. Beef cheeks go as hard as a rock, then just collapse. I can smell them as I type.

One thing restricted movement has done has been the sourcing of funny stories and cartoons/videos. I got this one this morning from a friend.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young female student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely. 

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Queensland now leads the way in confusing confinement rules. The Premier has now confirmed having a couple of visitors over is fine and you can also freely visit your partner or close friend. A bit different to Scomo’s version.

Ms Palaszczuk admits there’s a whole range of different variations, but is urging families to use common sense. Yeah right. That’s worked well so far!

“This is complex because no family is exactly the same, we all have different family living arrangements and we also know that we don’t want people to be totally socially isolated and they need to have some contact with people.

The Premier said some of the rules are pretty clear – no house parties, no large dinner parties and no mass barbecues.

“The people in your house should be the people in your house, but if there is one or two extra people that come into you house, that is not going to be breaching the law.

“So that might mean you have two adult children who want to come and visit you, well we think we should be flexible.”

The Premier said it was about being sensible and practical.

 “But we need to be shrinking our world, it means we don’t want to have a lot of extra contacts.”

 Clear as mud. This nonsense followed the botched border closure, mixed messages of school closures, backflips on weapons armourers and flipflopping on recreational boating.

Yesterday’s quiz answer: Kakadu Plum

Today’s question: What’s parse mean?